Yea...I'm so confused...

My favorite tshirt says

E=Fb

Ok, since there aren't too many music theory jokes to be had, I thought I'd add some simple funny musican jokes instead!



How is a standup bass like elderly parents? Both are hard to get in
and out of cars.

How to make a million dollars playing music? Start with two million.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a musicians' arm? A tattoo.

The difference between a conductor and a bag of manure? The bag.

What happens if you play blues or country backwards? Your wife
returns, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

What is a musician called who only knows 3 chords? A music critic.

How do you keep your guitar from being stolen? Put it in a tuba case.

What's the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? You have
to plug one in before it sucks.

Rare sight: A lead singer who carries equipment other than a microphone
and change of clothes.

What's The difference between a bull and a lead singer fronting a brass band?
The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the rear.

How many Grateful Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
12,001. One to change it, 2.000 to record the event and take pictures, and
10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

-sallan

All right, here's my guitarist joke that's sure to offend the mens:

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?


--->HOMELESS

How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: One to change the lightbulb, the other to say, "I can do that."

- The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die. They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, ''Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!'' David Gilmour replies, ''Roger is here? When did he die?'' St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. ''It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!''

How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
Place a sheet of music in front of him.

What do you call a musician with a college degree?
Night manager at McDonalds

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
You can tune a chainsaw

what will you never say about a banjo player?
"That's the banjo player's Porsche."

How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb?
He stands holding the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q : What's better a bass solo or a harmonica solo ??

A : Bass , its much easier to beat somebody with in a inch of their life , than with a harmonica ....

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A Drummer.

Why is a guitar better than a woman?

It doesn't have a mouth, it never says no, and it doesn't quit until the job is done.