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Original message:567 days 18 hours 58 minutes ago

+ 2

Member: JeremyC

7
WebCred

This is my first song, I created it in ten minutes flat. Tell me what you think.
Helpful criticism only please.

march on
through the winter night
towards the distant fight
march on

draw your swords, for tonight
we fight yes, yes, we fight
hear the footsteps of the horde
let them taste the steel of your sword

we crash against our enemies
stretching for miles ahead of me
taste the kingdoms power
this shall be your final hour

our weapons meet
they clash as we battle in fridgid sleet
slain scatter the frozen ground
more fall as archers fire a second round

do you hear the sound of battle
tis be music to any warriors ears
yet a peasents worst fear
wish goodbye to your sweet sweet dears

march on
carry on
through the winter night
you fight
fight
fight

feel the sting of your wound
you'll surely part soon
fall to your knees
others are taken and seized

a black angel reaches out for a kiss
you remember all that you missed
feel your heavy breath
as you experience the kiss of death

fight fight fight

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Reply:567 days 18 hours 25 minutes ago
Member: charles

+ 2

145
WebCred

not bad for a 1st song, but it think need to dig a little deeper, which i know you can. it has a little of an DND type feel is that want your going for? if so give me more of it. dose this battle mean something more? if so let me know what it is. my last type is write as much as you can and trim out what is bad. so you end up with the best you can do. good luck if you revise it let me know/

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Reply:567 days 17 hours 25 minutes ago
Member: sixsteelstrings

+ 3

66
WebCred

its hard to write a song about something you have never experienced, unless u actually have been in a mid-evil battle...i always write songs about things that have happened to me or feelings i have had. i also like to speak in metaphors. i would like to hear the music that accompanies the lyrics

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Reply:567 days 16 hours 33 minutes ago
Member: JeremyC

+ 1

7
WebCred

Well it was more of on a book I read.
I was bored and wrote a song about it.

I will revise it, I plan on adding and getting rid of some parts.
I'll post the new version tomorrow.

And I understand what your saying sixsteelstrings, but nothing has really interested me in my life except a few things that have been taught to me in school. Maybe when I'm older I'll right about my experiences.

The chords and music are in the works, but I have some of it down.

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Reply:566 days 7 hours 50 minutes ago
Member: Buck

+ 1

26
WebCred

I like it...you need to look up an 80's metal band called Manowar. This is right along with them. Maybe check out their stuff and it will inspire you. Your best bet would be the album "Kings Of Metal"...that has the most medieval stuff. They only seem to sing about two things...metal music and stuff like this. The next best album would be "Triumph Of Steel." The first song is close to 30 minutes long: "Achilles, Agony, and Ecstasy In 8 Parts."

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Reply:557 days 1 hours 7 minutes ago
Member: Matthew

1
WebCred

Another band that has songs similar to this is DragonForce, most of their song are about battles, quests, and the like. But nice song, keep writing.

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Reply:556 days 20 hours 2 minutes ago
Member: johnny cox

838
WebCred

Cool lyrics. The only person you should try to impress is yourself. If you are not satisfied then dig deeper. If you are satisfied then rock on.

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Plug in, turn up and spank the plank

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